The blessings that HE shares with his disciples have been a form of accountability for me this past week. So as I dug and continue to dig deeper in what each of these characteristics mean, I am confronted by Our Dad with what my life and heart truly look like. And what HE found was an evil, malicious, prideful, ugliness in my life and heart that only HE can take away. I believe if we all sat and looked into the face of Our Dad, I would hope you wouldn't find the ugliness that HE found in my heart but in reality looking into HIS face and making that comparison, who can be found any other way? I mean, HE is perfect. HE is Holy. HE is what we desire to be.
So as I swallowed HIS findings and listened to what HE had to say to me this past week, one of the places HE took me was Matt. 5, the Beatitudes. I am sure you have read these a million times and many have them memorized but this time it was like HE used them as wrecking balls to this life of mine. I will just hit one or two of them and allow HIM to do the rest in your own personal life...it hurts, let me just warn you!
I will just start with the first "poor in spirit". What does that mean exactly? I have read commentaries over the years that have explained it and have read the words of David to try to find out what this phrase means. This week HE showed me that for me, right now, this poor in spirit is an acknowledgement that I am poor (not just because I live on Lottie D) but so poor in fact, I cannot do anything at all. I have no ability to provide food, shelter, clothing, etc for myself because of my poverty. I am completely defenseless, just like a baby who cannot do anything for themselves. It is in this poverty that I realize my needs, my great needs. It is in this realization of my needs that I cry out to HIM and HE hears me. I don't go looking for a way to provide for myself or call up my best friend to see if she can help me. Nope, I being poor in spirit recognize my inabilities and my attitude of being "in want" of something and see HIS arms open wide to provide me with all I could ever want and more. How are you on this one? Well, HE finishes that verse by saying that "theirs is the kingdom of heaven"...might be kind of an important one, huh?
This one dropped me from my knees to laying prostrate in front of of HIM. " Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see HIM." Do you want to see HIM? Heck yes, I do without a shadow of a doubt! I want that more than anything!! Really, then why does your heart look anything but pure, Kendall? I am an adulteress from the word go, I am a lier, a murderer, a thief, and selfish one at that! How did I get there? HIS Words tell us that the heart is evil and I would say as HE showed me mine, I could not agree more. So getting your cleaned up to me is the easy part of confessing your sins and HE mercifully washes them away by The Love of My Life's blood. But how do I keep it from returning again to the filth I see now? And this was the brutal part for me and I am sure it will be for you as well. Identifying in what areas I have been an adulteress to my Savior, my Groom, searching HIS WORDS for help to hold me accountable of these sins, and then asking someone to call me out on this aspect of my life. I want to see HIM more than anything and it is about time I start living my life with a pure heart. Cleaning out my thoughts, words, and actions...all to bring HIM glory!
Not sure if any of this made sense, but this is where I am...being beaten up by these 7 little verses and looking for fruit of them in my own life. They will recognize me by my fruit...what does my life really say to others? If it says anything other than, GLORY TO HIM then I have lots of work to do! K
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