I have been back in the US for the past 6 weeks and the reality has sunk in that I am not on vacation and this is where HE has called me for today. With so much that has happened in my life over the past 6 weeks, the question that most people want to know is "what are your plans?" While there is nothing wrong with their question, I honestly do not have the answer. I can answer what WERE my plans but the simple truth of the matter is that I have no plans. For the first time in a long time, I honestly have no idea how each day is going to pan out and what I am going to do. At times this scares me as I know my inner laziness wants to kick in to remind me that I have nothing to do, so why not just lay around all day. But then I am reassured through His Word, His sweet voice, a friend, a need...that my plan is do what HE has taught me to do over the past 5 years...ask Him for my to do list today and obediently do that. No more and no less than what HE has given me to do today.

As i accept this truth and strive to live it out, I have been burden by the fact that I do not and have not felt very effective in my re-entry to this country. I long to be effective in bringing Him glory and making His Name known. I have been humbled enough to know that I don't have the answers and have reached out to others...receiving criticism, rolling of the eyes, blank stares, and an occasional warm welcome to my plea for help. So today as I was finishing up some seminary class work, I was lead to look up an article on Piper's website. It was exactly what I needed today and so I thought I would share it with you. It definitely gave me the perspective that I needed to finish my day for His glory.
 
Article:
Do you think Gd has purposes for your life that will be realized in 1,400 years?

I do. Your life and mine.

Yes, the new heavens and the new earth may be here by then. I hope so. If so, there are things that are happening to you now that will have reverberations then for your good.

I say that because Paul says, “This light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison” (2 Corinthians 4:17). When Paul speaks of “light momentary affliction,” he is referring to all the painful experiences of our lives — the same thing he means by “the sufferings of this present time” in Romans 8:18. All of this present time.

And when he says that these life-long experiences are “preparing for us an eternal weight of glory,” he means that there is a correlation between those experiences now and our experiences of glory later. And that correlation is more than sequential, and more than evidence that we are going to glory.

It would be little comfort to Paul if I said the point was: “How I handle my backache and how you handle your beheading are evidence that we are both going to glory.” That’s true. But it’s not the point of the word “preparing” (katergazetai). His beheading will have a different effect on his glory than my backache will on mine. And I’ll be the happier for his reward.

Everything Relates to EverythingBut what if, in 1,400 years Chrst has not returned? Will your life make a difference in that world? I think so. In God’s governance of the world, everything relates to everything.

Consider this illustration.

When I was in Ethiopia last November, I was told of an Ethiopian M who went to Pakistan. He entered a town with a view to evangelizing and planting a club, even though Pakistan is not open to this kind of missionary work.

But when he went before the town leaders and they found out that he was from Ethiopia they said something to the effect: “You may do your work here. We owe you the gift of openness and hospitality, because your people gave asylum to Mohammed’s family 1,400 years ago.”

The Land of JusticeSince then I have tried to track down the history behind this amazing statement. In 2008 there was a symposium about this very tradition. Scholars from Princeton, Cornell, Rutgers, and the National Museum of Ethiopia met to discuss new historical findings.

In Islamic history and tradition, Ethiopia (Abyssinia) is known as the “Haven of the First Migration” of Muslims. During Mohammed’s lifetime (570 – 632) his followers were being persecuted in the surroundings of Mecca by pagan tribes.

Dr. Said Samatar, Professor of African History at Rutgers, explained “King Armah (Negash) and his decision to grant refuge to the family of the Prophet Mohammad, who arrived at Aksum while fleeing from their pagan persecutors.” King Armah was a Chrstn and had the reputation of treating people generously. Dr. Samatar described how “a Chrstn King refused bribes and granted sanctuary to the fleeing Muslims in Aksum.”

“Mohammad didn't forget the generosity of the Negash,” he said, “and in the sayings (hadith) of the Prophet that have been recorded and passed on for generations, it is noted that ‘Abyssinia [Ethiopia] is a land of justice in which no one is oppressed.’”

Therefore, for many Muslims even today, 1,400 years later, “Ethiopia is synonymous with freedom from persecution and emancipation from fear.”

Consider Your ImpactDo you think that the Chrstns of Abysinnia, 1,400 years ago thought that what they were doing would have an effect for the glory of Chrst and the good of the world fourteen centuries later, when a Pakistani mayor opened his city to a Chrstn Ethiopian missionary?

Therefore, I conclude that what we do in obedience to Chrst in this life is never wasted. Our acts are like pebbles dropped in the pond of history. No matter how small our pebble, Gd rules the ripples. And He causes the design on the face of the waters to be exactly what He wills.

Your pebbles count. Drop them with daily faithfulness, and leave the ripples to Gd.

 
" When you see the ark of the covenant of the LRD Your Gd with the Levitical priests carrying it, then you shall set out from your place and go after it. However, there shall be between you and it a distance of about 2000 cubits by measure. Do not come near it, that you may know the way by which you shall go, for you have not passed this way before."

This is where I am...waiting on HIM...following hard after HIM...and walking in a place that I have never been before. To read more, go to daily life and read "a month in the USA".

I am pryng about what to do with this website as I am transitioning into a new phase of ministry here in the US. I will keep you posted, for those of you who are still reading this and have been so patient with me.


 
Should I be ashamed that I have not posted something here in exactly 2 months? Yes. I bought into the vicious cycle of believing that because I was sick and in the city that I have not too much to report about what HE has been doing. Ugh, the song "Clumsy" by Chris Rice has been my theme song for the past 2 weeks as I have been battling these thoughts along with times of repentance for "reaching out for that same old piece of forbidden fruit." I am exhausted. I am so unworthy for the grace upon grace that HE pours out on this servant who chooses stupid, dead, useless things over the Magnificent, Creator, and Sustainer of all things. Why do I continue to believe the lies of the world and not live what I know to be true...HIS Word is reality, Kendall!

So, the truth is that HE has been doing some amazing things in my life and in the lives of those here in Cartagena. I have been studying Matthew 5-7 for the past 6 weeks and it has been a humbling journey. I just finished working through the section of His sermon on pryr and fasting. Two spiritual disciplines that are so crucial to what I do here and really what we do anywhere. It is all about humbling ourselves and seeking HIM...recognizing that I need HIM for everything and desiring more than any other thing HIM and to hear HIS voice. Why when I ask about when and why people fast, they look at me like I am a radical who has lost their mind. They tell me that fasting was a thing of the OT (I quickly remind them of the many NT passages, including the passage I am studying now.) Have we bought into the lie that we don't have to fast? How can we believe that when Jss Himself told us what to do WHEN we fast, not IF but WHEN. What does the word WHEN mean in this passage? HE expected us to fast. HE desires for us to fast. But why? Have you ever thought about it or looked deeply into HIS Words to find out when and why the people fasted?

It is eye opening and challenging! I have been humbled as HE has shown me my love of things and where I lack in love for HIM. Fasting is all about dying to ourselves. Recognizes, as Scripture clearly states, that we are nothing and HE is everything. Not just knowing this but living like it is truth, reality. It is us echoing with the words of John, HE must increase and I must decrease. It is the beginning steps to allowing HIM to free from us from our pride and arrogance. Allowing HIM to cut these roots that are so deeply sown in our hearts and freeing us from the bondage that these sins desire for us to live in. Oh what a Savior! When we have had an encounter with the All-Mighty, Holy, One, it is impossible to to think/act/speak the same. I love Platt's analogy of getting run over by a mack truck on the high way, when you come away from getting run over by a big 18-wheeler you definitely do not look the same. It is the same with the Great and Powerful LRD. When we have TRULY had an encounter with HIM, we don't look the same. We don't act the same. We don't think the same. We have been changed.

Every time we come into His Presence through pryr, fasting, worship, study, meditation, fellowship, we should leave changed and not the same. It is time we stop believing the lies of the world that what the world says is normal, the reality. It is time that we fall on our knees, humble ourselves, fast, pry, seek HIM, and turn from our wicked ways...HIS Word clearly states what we have to do but why we believe lies and fall into the trap of spending more time worshipping idols (TV, newest gadget, internet, family, job, money,etc.) and not worshipping the LRD Who blessed us with each of above for HIS glory and to bless others.

Don't know about you, but I am tired of the same cycle of repenting, being obedient for a time, falling in the same old sin, being distracted and loving that sin until I realize what has happened and start it all over again. HE is LRD. HE is Sovereign. HE is full of mercy, grace, and love. HE is in control. HE is the fountain of wisdom and life. So let us throw off everything that entangles us (open your tight grip on your blessings turned into idols) and run towards HIM. That is what I see fasting as now... a time of seeing HIM, recognizing who I am in light of Who HE is, and allowing HIM to humble me. It is the saving power of the gospel message of the cross!

Thank you for the privilege to pry, fast, humble ourselves, and seek You ABBA!!


 
Have you ever thought you were on the right track...had confirmations right and left in His Words, through His voice, through others, etc...felt peace like no other...the path was difficult but HE always revealed Himself so you continued to follow...and then WHAM, you get hit, knocked down, and knocked out. And when you wake up, look around, and try to keep going on the path...your still a little hazy from the hit and not so sure that you "were" on the right track before...and then comes lots and lots of questions. So, you hit your knees and beg for HIM to move and speak to you.

If you are like me, it has been at least 2 weeks since you heard clearly HIS Voice. You have seen HIM move. You have felt HIM move you. You have seen HIM answer pryrs. You have seem HIM take teaching times in a direction you never planned or saw coming but HE in HIS Sovereignty had already planted that teaching deep in your heart so it was easy for HIM to use it. You would give ANYTHING just to hear HIS Sweet voice again...just a whisper. You cry out to HIM. You kneel in silence. You sing at the top of your lungs. You proclaim Scripture after Scripture. And nothing...just the hum of the fan, and every other noise you can imagine that enters my window from the busy streets of my Colombian neighborhood.

So, what do you do? Do you continue or wait? Do you ask for signs or step out on faith? Do you speak or remain silent? You read, "The secret things belong to the LRD Our Gd, but those things which are revealed belong to us." " The secret of the LRD is with those who fear HIM, and HE will show them HIS covenant." "There is a Gd in heaven who reveals secrets." "Indeed these are the mere edges of His ways, and how small a whisper we hear of Him."

 And so we "rejoice always, pry without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of Gd in Chrst Jss for you. Do no quench the Sprt." We thank Him for the 18 wheeler that ran us over. We pry without ceasing that HE will reveal His Will and speak to us clearly. We give thanks in all things big and small...yes even the brutal beating we received from the truck...and we DO NOT quench the Sprt. 

So, here I am...waiting, on my knees, silently at His feet for Him to speak...please join me here.




 
When was the last time you read or watched Pilgrim's Progress? It is such a classic story. I love it! I had forgotten how clearly written it is. I recently watched the movie and afterwards, I began to think where was I on this journey? Who have I come in contact with along the way? Who can I most relate to in the story? What trials and temptations am I facing today? So now I ask you...where are you? Who have you come in contact with along your journey? Who have your testimony and journey with today? What part of the old man are you still fighting with each day? We are commanded to put off the old man and live in true freedom in Chrst! Who can you relate to from this story? What trials and temptations can you relate to that are illustrated in this story? Let me know your answers...



 
Yesterday, HE revealed HIMSELF to me as EL Roi...The DAD Who sees. I was reading in Genesis 16 when Hagar proclaims HIM as the Dad Who sees. The Omnipresent Dad is always there. His Eyes never shut. He isn't asleep and unaware of things that are going on around us. He sees. We can't but HE can. His Name is a strong tower, the righteous run to it and find rest. Run into the strong tower of His Name, El Roi...and rest.



 
So, I have been struggling with the seriousness and magnitude of sin. I do not think we understand or grasp the magnitude of the wickedness of our sin and just how serious HE takes it. We have bought into a belief system that makes us feel bad when we get caught doing something wrong but to truly mourn our sin...to be broken down to the point of falling prostrate before a Holy Dad...to hurt so bad it makes you sick to your stomach at the thought of your sin...do we do that?

I have been listening to several sermons and reading all throughout Scripture and HE keeps bringing this issue to my mind. Kendall, you do not get it...but ask me and I will show you. You don't get that 1/3 of my angels acted out one time in rebellion against me and I damned them to an eternity in hell...with no second chance or grace. You don't get that Adam and Eve ate one fruit in rebellion against My Lrdship of their lives and they were kicked out of My Paradise where they would not longer walk in My Presence. Ananais and Sapphira, stole from me and lied about it and were killed instantly....no second chance or forgiveness for them. And you, you were born a rebellious, idolater, liar, adulterer, and you have disobeyed me your entire life...but yet I constantly pour out my grace upon grace on you. Why can't I see sin for what it really is...death?  Why do I see my sin as something tempting, desirable, incredible, and what I waste so many hours of my day doing?

Interesting thought, right? Then I went to one of my favorites to see if he had written anything about this subject and of course, he had. As usual, he says things so much more eloquently than I could ever try in a million years before I started to learn Spanish. So I have copied his article for you to be challenged by...
I have taken out a couple of vowels of some of the words but I am sure you can follow it.

Real Guilt Is Rare

June 20, 1983 | by John Piper | Topic: Pride & Humility

My dad has always told me that in his work as an evangelist the big problem is not getting people saved but getting them lost. People who really feel lost reach for the gospel. But there are others today who say just the opposite. They say that guilt is such a widespread disease in our society no preacher needs to tell people they are sinners. Trying to make people feel guilty is like carrying coals to Newcastle, they say. Everyone is so oppressed with guilt already that all the preacher needs to do is preach good news of deliverance. Now who is right? My dad, who says it is hard to get people to see their true guilt before Gd? Or the preachers of pop psychology, who say people are already so guilt-ridden you just need to be positive all the time?

My dad is right because his view of guilt is so much more profound than the others’ view. There is a world of difference between the misery of a bad self-image because of masturbation and the profound and terrible remorse of having despised Gd through unbelief. The reason the message of secular psychology (and the Chrstns who imitate it) is so superficial is that its assessment of guilt is so superficial. If you think that the guilt which prepares us to receive the gospel is merely the bad feeling that comes from a low self-image or sagging self-esteem, then the gospel you preach will be just the kind of man-centered, ego-stroking pap that has emasculated the pulpits of our land and obscured the glory of Gd’s mercy .

The guilt which readies a person to receive the great gospel of the glory of Chrst is as rare as the conversions we seek. Hardly anyone experiences the crush of real guilt! We have failed to see that what usually passes for guilt is in fact just more sin, because it is the bad feeling we have, not from our failure to trust Gd’s promises but from our failure to preserve our image as cool, self-sufficient people. Most of what passes for guilt feelings is an expression of pride. We do something impulsive that hurts someone and feel remorse. But does our remorse come from a deep spiritual grief that we have despised Gd by not trusting his promises and not waiting for his wisdom and help? Or does it more often come from the fact that we did not preserve our image as cool and self-sufficient? Real guilt is very rare!

Satan is sly. Not only can he imitate real virtue with legalism; he can also imitate real guilt with low self-esteem. He has achieved a stunning victory by alluring the church into battle with imitation guilt which has transformed the gospel into a message that is powerless against the real enemy. Real guilt is the crushing sense of fear and remorse at the thought of having despised almighty Gd by casting a vote of no-confidence against his word of promise and counsel. Real guilt is radically Gd-centered. Satan’s substitute is the bad feelings we get from a wounded ego. O yes, it is painful. That’s why we think we are preaching gospel when we try to relieve it. But it is based squarely on pride. The guilt feelings caused by Satan’s accusations are not remorse for pride, but the remorse of pride. Yes, there is a nation-wide epidemic of this. But this kind of guilt produces no repentance (2 Corinthians 7:10). It does not prepare the way for the gospel; it hardens against the gospel.

Real guilt is very rare. That’s why my father can say: The really hard work of evangelism is not getting people saved but getting them lost. How about yourself? Do you battle real guilt with a glorious gospel, or is your guilt what pride produces when you haven’t been cool?

For the sake of the gospel,

 
I know...two posts in one day! You should read the Phil 2 post first and then this one.

In my study today, I was challenged to read different commentaries on these two verses and what different respected authors/scholars/pastors thought on these passages. As I was reading, HE brought me to a devotional by Piper on this very thing. He says things the way I feel them but cannot express. He says, "Grumbling is an evidence of little faith in the gracious providence of Gd in all the affairs of our lives." Stop. Reread the quote. And chew on that for awhile. OH WHAT GRACE!!

I have attached his devo because it spoke to me and I hope HE uses it to bless you!

John Piper:
One of the effects of my speaking nine times to pastors in Alaska recently was conviction for my sin of grumbling. What happened was this. I spoke on the things that I love most. I spoke about the great and glorious God of Christian Hedonism--

  • The God who “works for those who wait for him” (Isaiah 64:4);
  • The God who “withholds no good thing from those who walk uprightly” (Psalm 84:11);
  • The God who “pursues us with goodness and mercy all our days” (Psalm 23:6)
  • The God who “works all things together for the good of those who love him” (Romans 8:28);
  • The God who “did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all, and so will surely give us all things with him” (Romans 8:32);
  • The God “through whom we can do all things” (Philippians 4:13);
  • The God “who supplies all our needs according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:19);
  • The God who “will help us, and strengthen us and hold us up by the right hand of his righteousness” (Isaiah 41:10);
  • The God who “will never leave us or forsake us, so that we can confidently say, ‘The Lord is my helper. I will not be afraid; what can man do to me’” (Hebrews 13:5-6);
  • The God who “will complete in me the work he began” (Philippians 1:6);
  • The God “in whose presence is fullness of joy and at whose right hand are pleasures for evermore” (Psalm 16:11);
  • The God who “has all authority in heaven and on earth . . . and who will be with us to the end of the age” (Matthew 28:18-20);
  • The God who “disciplines us for our good that we may share his holiness” (Hebrews 12:10);
  • The God whose “eyes run to and fro throughout the whole earth seeking to show himself mighty on behalf of those whose heart is whole toward him” (2 Chronicles 16:9);
  • The God who “knows the hairs of our head and without whom not a bird falls to the ground” (Matthew 10:29-30);
  • The God who “rejoices to do us good . . . with all his heart and with all his soul” (Jeremiah 32:41);
  • The God who “rejoices over us with gladness and exults over us with loud singing: (Zephaniah 3:17).
When I heard these things coming out of my mouth, I was deeply convicted that my heart had grumbled in these recent months. Paul said, “Do all things without grumbling.” Grumbling is an evidence of little faith in the gracious providence of God in all the affairs of our lives. And little faith is a dishonor to him. It belittles his sovereignty and wisdom and goodness.

Do I believe these things? If my faith is strong, I will not grumble. Pray for me, that I would be glad in the Lord and receive willingly from his hand all he designs for my holiness. Then, as Paul says in the next verse, I can be “a light in the world.” Grumbling only adds to the darkness because it obscures the light of God’s gracious, all-controlling providence.


 
 I have been neglecting to upload what HE has been teaching me again because I fall into the sin of thinking that when I write things here that they have to be so clearly expressed and written eloquently that you few, who actually read this, will be enlightened or challenged. Please forgive me. I know that it is only by the power of His Word and His Spirit living inside each of you that any of these words will have any kind of affect on you. Forgive my disobedient and prideful heart and be blessed by HIS Teachings...

I was blessed to be given different precept studies by some amazing women from FBC Euless. These women have blessed me in so many ways and I praise HIM for the fabulous 3...you know who you are! About 2 months ago, I was pryng about where to study next and had asked two amazing women to study with me. I really wanted to study Ephesians...HE said Philippians. I honestly told HIM that Philippians is such an easy book about rejoicing and it isn't full of much doctrine and I know what the book says. Yep...I know your jaws are on the floor as you read this and seeing so clearly my idiotic ways. Needless to say, I was obedient and the three of us began this study.

The past 9 weeks has been anything but easy, breezy, pat Kendall on the back because she is such a good little girl who practices all of this book! I have been rejoicing as HE has shown me more and more of Himself and myself...and that leads anyone to rejoice! So I could probably write pages and pages of the lessons that HE has taught me in the first two chapters...yep, 9 weeks = 2 chapters! I could tell you how I was beaten up by a simple verse that I should live my life worthy of the gospel message of Chrst Jss. Oh yeah, HE kept me there for about 2 weeks and I am still struggling!

But I want to share with you what HE has been working on me with this week...not even this entire week for the past 3 days. 2 simple verses in chapter 2 but I have been there for 3 days. 
  "Do all things without murmurings and questionings: that ye may become blameless and harmless, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom ye are seen as lights in the world." Phil 2:14-15.

I don't know how well you do at these two verse but frankly I STINK at them. Do you know the definition of murmur/grumble? To utter anything in a low and half articulated voice, indignant complaining, utter sullen discontent before the thing which is the cause of the discontent...just to name a few. If you are guilty of verse 14, do you know what the definition of a murmurer/grumbler is? A discontented man. WOW...that will bring you to your knees really quick right?

How I have become accustomed to murmuring things and become a discontent woman...oh what a wretch I am because clearly in this "easy book full of lessons that I practice daily" it clearly states do ALL THINGS WITHOUT murmuring. ALL THINGS, really Kendall so how well are you doing on that one? Talk about a time of repentance for my prideful attitude and grumblings against HIM. How can anyone be discontent when you have air in your lungs, grace upon grace lavished on you, a Gd Who is so Holy but yet loves and desires to spend time with you?

I challenge you to just pick up Philippians chapter 2 today and read it...I mean, it is light, easy reading. It only starts out with one of the most amazing passages...the incarnation of Jss Chrst and then tells you that HE is working in you so that you can work out/live out in this world...and then the exciting verses I have been studying the past 3 days. I pry that each of you will allow HIM to speak to you today through this passage. I pry that HE will bring you to your knees, humbled and in awe of this AMAZING DAD we serve. I pry that HE will be glorified as you are more satisfied in HIM and cease to grumble/murmur/complain.


Ask the same for me too...



 
What category are you in? 

Are you still in Egypt? Like the children of Israel who spent over 400 years being enslaved by the Egyptians, suffering bitterly beneath burdens inflicted on them by their owners, helpless to save themselves, hopeless except for the fact that HE had promised Abraham that He would act to redeem His people. Are you living a life empty of Him? Are you living a life enslaved to the passions of the flesh, suffering under the burden of sin, helpless to save yourself?

Are you wandering in the wilderness? Like the children of Israel who were brought out of slavery and were redeemed but spent 40 years wandering in the wilderness plagued by the memories of the life in Egypt and desiring to return? Have you received the HS and all the fullness of Chrst but are ignoring His presence and struggle through your life as a Chrstn as though Chrst is not there? 

Are you in the Promise Land? Are you enjoying the land that is flowing with milk and honey? Life in the promise land is the enjoyment of Chrst's indwelling. It is Chrst Himself right now living His victorious life right now through me and you. He not only reconciles us to Gd by his death but He saves us moment by moment by His life by His grace. He not only died for what we have done but He rose again to live in you, to take the place of what you are. His strength for your weakness! His wisdom for your folly! His grace for your greed! His love for your lust! His peace for your problems! His joy for your sorrows! His plenty for your poverty! This is Cannan!! Are you reigning with Him in life right now? To reign by One, Jss Chrst, and to know joy unspeakable and full of glory, to know His peace that passeth all understanding, to know that every place that the sole of your foot shall tread upon has been given to you, that you may be strong and of good courage, neither afraid or dismayed, in the knowledge that the lrd Your Gd is with you wherever you go.

He showed me that I was not living in Canaan each and every day. I was longing for Him in heaven and not enjoying Him here, now, in this very moment! Thank you Ian Thomas for shedding His Light on my sin.